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How not to start a conversation with your neighbor

jennifer · July 30, 2012 · 11 Comments

So, my husband and I have been working on a big landscaping project.
OK, so maybe the project did involve a landscaping company that did the big work, like excavating our backyard and putting together a huge patio. But, we did all the planting and mulching. That’s counts for something, right?
Anyway, our Sunday was spent feverishly working on getting the big piles of compost and mulch out of our driveway. Since we’re leaving for New York on Thursday, this was our last chance. We had to fill up our new raised garden bed, move some lilacs, trim some bushes, and mulch. Did I mention the mulch?
Also, it looked like it was about to rain all morning long.
We decided to start with moving three lilacs over to our new garden. The lilacs were in an area that we think is ours, but our neighbor thinks is his. It’s basically our border. It’s not really worth the fight because we would only gain about two feet of yard next to our driveway.
Our neighbor planted hostas in this area. I added the lilacs for something a little prettier, and so that they might grow higher and block the views from their porch.
Our neighbors sit in their porch a lot and just watch what we’re doing. We’re kind of on display.
We decided to move the lilacs to our new garden because the new landscaping gives us much more privacy, and we want to enjoy our nice lilacs. Simple enough.
Except our neighbor opened the window to their porch and said in a very stern manner, “How dare you.”

The hostas in question. Note the porch to the left.

Now, I’d like to mention here that we take care of these plants, pruning them, weeding them and watering them. I even weed our neighbor’s bushes from time to time. My husband will mow the part of their yard that is close to our garage.
We’re not exactly bad neighbors. We try to help. The brother and sister who live there are in their 80s and can’t get around very well. I don’t see family members visiting, so I feel like we should keep an eye out.
We have never received a thank you for anything in 5 years. The brother once invited me over to see his rhubarb plant, but I’m pretty sure he just wanted me to bake him a rhubarb pie. (He clearly doesn’t know me very well.)
She, apparently, thought we were digging up all of their hostas and stealing them. I’m no sure what I would even do with all those hostas. I could probably make about 30 plants from them, which would not fit in my postage-sized intown lot. Did I mention yet that I hate hostas?
Not wanting to be confrontational with an elder, I calmly told her we were taking our lilacs to our new garden and spreading her hostas out so that they would be healthier and look nicer. She calmed down and said, “Oh.”
Then, she shut the window, sat in her chair and watched us sweat.
Here’s what our new, more private backyard looks like. We just need to put in some stepping stones for a pathway. Note: the hostas are in the area where the dogs do their business.

And we kept on working. We got the mulch spread just as the rain starting coming down. Perfect timing.
Do you have neighbors like this? How do you handle confrontational neighbors?

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Life confrontation, gardening, neighbors

Comments

  1. Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed says

    July 30, 2012 at 8:50 am

    When I lived in nyc I didn’t know any of my neighbors. I grew up there and lived there for 25 years and I couldn’t even tell you any of their names. Then I moved to a city-ish area of NJ thinking that people would be knocking down my door with baskets of muffins and dinner invitations, and nothing. Although I did get to learn their names. Now we’re (hopefully) moving to a bigger house in the suburbs and I’m going to force my neighbors to be friends with me. I find that really old people tend to be a bit crotchedy to begin with.
    Stopping by from SITS

    Reply
    • anotherjennifer says

      July 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      You never know what you’ll get. I guess they could be worse. They don’t exactly keep me up at night with excessive partying or anything. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Nicole says

    July 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Tall fences hide bad neighbors.

    Reply
    • anotherjennifer says

      July 30, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      Haha! Very true, Nicole! Alas, not in the budget at this time.

      Reply
  3. Michelle says

    July 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Sounds a bit like something my father-in-law would do:) He would fight with his neighbor because he thought he deliberately threw leaves in his yard. Yet, it really was the wind. They didn’t speak for years.

    Reply
    • anotherjennifer says

      July 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

      It’s amazing what can get people going!

      Reply
  4. Marji Moser says

    July 31, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Don’t even get me started!!!

    Reply
    • anotherjennifer says

      July 31, 2012 at 8:40 pm

      It’s probably good you don’t have a blog, Marji!

      Reply
  5. Kiki says

    August 1, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    I was having a little shindig of sorts. The neighbour had her daughter come to our dinning room window, knock and ask us to turn down the music. Awkward for the daughter, awkward for my guests who received the knock. I turned down the music, shut the window and quickly made my way next door. It was only 11pm on a Friday, so I figured that I may as well apologize before the morning arrived and it got three times awkward. I also wanted to leave my cell number, so they could call if the noise was still too much. Thoughtful, right? As I scooted up their driveway, I made eye contact with the neighbour, eye to eye, as she sat in her living room. I knocked on the back door and… nothing. She just looked at me through the window but didn’t come to the door. AWKWARD in capital letters! Since then, my roommates and I go out of our way to be extra smiley. Kill it with kindness is sorta the motto around here.

    Reply
    • anotherjennifer says

      August 1, 2012 at 9:56 pm

      Oh my gosh, that is awkward! It reminds me of the time I brought my then 4 year old to a neighbor’s house on Halloween. We stepped onto the porch, about to ring the doorbell, and someone actually turned the porch light off! Try explaining that to a little kid!

      Reply

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