After reading a blog post from Coach Daddy about his recent foray into fish ownership, I commented that I can kill a beta fish but can somehow keep saltwater fish alive.
Further discussion resulted in me admitting to paying $50 for a fish in the past and noting that my husband and I had to give up saltwater fish ownership in order to concentrate on raising kids.
It was then suggested that I write a blog post about the difference between raising kids and saltwater fish.
Game on, Coach.
In case you were wondering, here are 5 notable differences between raising children and saltwater fish.
1. Kids are far more resilient than saltwater fish.
If you don’t know what’s involved with raising saltwater fish, let me school you. (See what I did there?) There are a lot of things you need to keep track of, including the salinity and temperature of the water, lighting, pH, nitrates, aeration and filtration. You also have to consider what type of fish, coral, invertebrates, rock and sand you introduce.You can kill your brand new $50 fish if you don’t introduce it into the tank correctly, don’t give it enough space or if you pair it with the wrong fish. Did I mention everything is alive – including the sand and the rock – in a saltwater fish tank? You can lose everything if the electricity goes out long enough. Kids, on the other hand, are pretty easy to keep alive. Advantage: Kids
2. You can return a fish if it has behavioral problems.
We once had a lunar wrasse that absolutely destroyed our tank. He dug in the sand and gravel until he reached the bottom glass, making a mess of the tank. He tormented other fish to the point where we were afraid they would not survive and were forced to get a tank divider, the proverbial line in the sand. Then he got past the divider and started throwing snails and crabs around the tank. He was pretty, but his behavioral problems made it so that we had to bring him back to the store. I’m pretty sure you can’t do that with kids. Not that I’d try. Advantage: Fish
3. Kids travel better than saltwater fish.
My husband and I started our saltwater hobby in Denver before we were married and had kids. It was also before we realized we didn’t want to live in Denver. So when we decided to move to Maine, we had to figure out how to bring our 55 gallon fish tank and its saltwater environment with us. We spent a lot of money on our saltwater hobby and didn’t want to leave it behind. Plus, it’s not like you can just take your tank to the shelter and tell them you can’t take care of the contents anymore.
We sold our most sensitive fish back to the fish store (yes, some fish travel better than others) and put the rest in a big cooler. We drove across country with a battery operated air pump, plugging in a heater and filter at night when we stopped at hotels. Somehow they survived, and we were able to get our tank back up after a few days of getting the new environment set up. Kids? You can pretty much just throw them in a car seat, give them some food, pop in a DVD and you’re good to go. Advantage: Kids
4. You can leave saltwater fish alone for short periods of time.
Forgot to pick something up at the store? You can leave the house without worrying about family services giving you a call later in the day. Want to go out at night with your spouse? No need to pay a babysitter. As long as the electricity stays on and you’re not gone for too long – they still need to eat and have their water changed – fish are okay with being left alone. Also, they don’t talk back to you or make you feel guilty when you do leave them. Advantage: Fish
5. Kids will take care of you later in life.
With all the time, effort and money put into raising kids and saltwater fish, there is not a lot of ROI with the fish later on in life. While they are fun to watch and pretty to have on display, you can’t cuddle a fish and they’ll never tell you “I love you.” Though we did have fish that had distinct personalities, none of them are going to help me out when I’m old and ready for the nursing home. Here’s hoping at least one of my boys will put some time, effort and money into taking care of me one day. Advantage: Kids
So there you have it. When it comes to raising children and saltwater fish, kids have a slight advantage over marine life. Both require a good amount of effort and money. Both are fun and challenging. Both can be shown off to other people when company come over.
But only one will take care of you when you’re senile and rocking the walker.
Hopefully.
Do you currently raise kids or saltwater fish? Are you brave enough to do both at the same time?
There have *possibly* been a moment or two where I’ve wanted to return a child because of behavioral problems – so I’m thinking the salt water fish may be a good route for me! Seriously, I had not idea how much planning and balancing went into salt water fish, I will never, ever again complain about my kids being high maintenance!
Saltwater fish are a lot of work. My husband and I decided that there was no way we could keep dogs, kids and marine life alive at the same time!
And I think we’ve all wanted to return our kids at some point. 🙂
This just goes to show that comments sometimes spawn posts (see what I did there?) I have it easier, in that I have less drama-driven fish (goldfish), but I do have three daughters, two of whom will occupy teenage years concurrently. A teenage girl can give a lunar wrasse a run for its money.
Teenage girls. They are in a league of their own really. Two at the same time? I will send you my condolences early. A lunar wrasse may look like a good idea at that point. I am happy to be the mom of two boys!
Shut the front door. YOU lived in Denver!?! When!?? Okay…before I get into that: funny post and I loved the comparisons and advantages and I laughed more than a few times. But back to Denver. I grew up in Colorado Springs and moved to a town near Winter Park, then to a small town in North Carolina for a few years (with my hubby, to be closer to his family), then my dad got sick so we moved back and re-located in Denver for 11 months. Did not like it. Or rather, I think it HATED us. So, back to NC we went, and that was six years ago. I love where we live now. It’s so beautiful. 🙂 Oh and PS – when we moved from NC to Denver, we transported a very LARGE fishtank with water, too, LOL. That is, until “Big Fish” went to fish heaven right before we moved back to NC.
I did live in Denver, Cyndi! For just under two years, right after my husband and I graduated from Syracuse University. He didn’t want to go to New York or Boston and I didn’t want to go down south, so we went west! We moved back east to Maine in 2000. Denver is nice and all, but we didn’t like living there. Too landlocked for us. Plus, it’s too sprawled out. It took me 45 minutes to get to work in downtown Denver. And I lived within the city limits!
Happy to hear someone else is crazy enough to transport fish across the country! 🙂
I was laughing before I even read the post! My mom had a salt water tank for long time. She loved taking care of that tank. That tank was cleaner and in better condition than our house:). The fish can’t clean themselves or their environment, but the kids can. We were left to fend for ourselves:) Then she bought one piece of marine life that literally destroyed the tank. From there, she threw in the hat and called it. It was really beautiful tank.
PS – You can’t flush a kid down the toilet. I don’t know who has the advantage on that one, but it’s something, right?
Ha! You know what I mean, then. A saltwater tank is beautiful to have, but it requires so much attention. Even when you do get it to the point where it’s fairly self-sustaining, one little mishap can ruin everything! With that said, I’m thinking when we’re old and the kids are out of the house, we might start one up again.
Good point about the flushing. 🙂
This is absolutely HILARIOUS!!! Oh my Gosh, cracking up! Glad the kids pulled it out at the end…it was a tight race! ;)-The Dose Girls
It was a tight race! I guess we’ll keep the kids. 🙂
We currently have a 300 gallon saltwater aquarium. Fish, shrimp, snails, sand, rock, the whole darn thing. Our kids are grown and on their own, so we don’t have to do both. But, we do have a dog and parrot as well. When it comes to travel, we have to board the dog, board the parrot, and find someone to come in every day and check on the aquarium and feed the fish. Yikes, it’s a huge production. And, whenever we go somewhere overnight, we have to have a professional on standby in case of an aquarium disaster like lights going out, pump breaking down, or God forbid, a flood. Every few months, my husband goes on a rant and says he’s tearing the built in aquarium apart. All I can think of is the gaping space that will be left over and what to do with the built in wet room. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Loved the challenge and good to see kids still win out in the end. Followed you from SITS. Have a blessed day!
That’s the thing about those tanks. Once you’re in, you’re kind of in for the long haul. It took us months to break down our tank, mainly because we didn’t want anything to die in the process. It’s hard to just stop maintaining a saltwater tank! We also have 3 dogs, so I hear you about the boarding, etc when you travel. I can’t imagine having kids, fish and dogs at the same time. I’d never travel!
OH Jennifer, this is HILARIOUS!!! OHMYGOSH!!!! I bought four teeny tiny feeder fish five years ago…threw them in a fishbowl and POOF!!! We had pets!!! After three tanks, three square meals a day (yes everyone makes fun of me about that) we now have HUGE HUGE HUMUNGOUS THRIVING FISH!!! Hold your hand out… now, look at your thumb nail. THAT was the size of these little guys when I bought them for 25 cents each. (Seriously- how cheap can a pet be?) Okay- now hold your hand out again if you already put it down. Okay- now, stretch it really hard so your fingers are bursting! Turn your palm to your eyes and fingers together stretched. THAT is how big they are now.
NO. JOKE.
Why is it that those cheap fish that you want to die, thrive, while the super expensive ones are hard to keep alive? It’s not fair!
The secret is three square meals a day. YUP! 😉
Well you have NOT sold me on becoming a saltwater fish owner! 🙂 I do not believe I would do well with them. I can’t keep my plants alive. I’m sure the fish would bite it too soon. I had no idea you could return a misbehaving fish! So you have schooled me! LOL.
Ha! If it means anything to you, I have a hard time keeping indoor plants alive. When you have that much of an investment on the line, you figure out how to keep them alive!
Now if only you could get the kids to take care of the fish (and have the fish come out the other end still alive, mind you) you’d be set.
That would be great. Maybe when they are older! I hope to get back into saltwater fish again at some point.