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Bathroom Humor

jennifer · September 22, 2014 · 8 Comments

When Biz and I realized we would have some rare alone time together while his brother attended a birthday celebration this weekend, he suggested we go to the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens. He didn’t have to twist my arm for that trip since we have a membership, and the fall flowers are gorgeous.
It’s one of our favorite places to visit and, really, how could you not want to go out and show off a fall outfit like this?

bizpumpkins
How Maine kids dress in the chilly fall weather.

We went straight for the children’s garden so Biz could throw some lobster traps into the water and walk across the rope bridge on the tree house. We then walked to the various bodies of water in the sprawling gardens to search for frogs. We found many, many frogs.
When it was time to leave, I took Biz into the ladies’ room with me because he’s 5, and I’m just not comfortable leaving him out in a lobby alone just yet. No one was in the bathroom when we first walked in, but three women came in soon after us. The following is what happened during this innocent trip to the women’s restroom.
Biz (busting through each bathroom stall, loudly): Where are the stand up toilets, Mom?!
Me (thankful no one was actually in the stalls at that time): There aren’t any urinals in the ladies’ room, Honey.
Biz (utterly disappointed and attempting to choose a toilet to use): FINE.
Me (waiting patiently until his chooses a stall, as there are now other women in the ladies’s room): I’m 2 stalls down from you, if you need me.
*A few minutes pass and I’m now washing my hands at the sink. I hear the sound of clanking metal behind me.*
Biz: Mommy, do you have change?
Me (turning my head to see that he’s now at the tampon dispenser): No, I don’t have change. Definitely don’t have change.
Biz: Please, Mommy? Are you sure? I want a prize.
Me: I don’t have any change, and those aren’t prizes.
Biz: Yes they are. You put the change here and turn it….What are they then?
Woman in the bathroom (turning the corner to see Biz and laughing): Yeah, Mom. What are those?
Me (attempting to answer with a straight face): It’s not a prize machine, Biz. Those are for ladies.
Biz (still messing with the coin dispenser): Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? What’s in this thing?
Me: Things that ladies use and boys do not.
At this point, three women are practically in tears laughing, and Biz continues to ask why he can’t have what’s in the dispenser. I lure him over to the sink to wash his hands. He tells me that he doesn’t need to because he never took his gloves off.
Next time, I’m just going to hold it.
p.s. If you like stories like this, you’ll love The Mother of All Meltdowns

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Related

Parenting bathroom humor, Biz, Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens, kid quotes, parenting, tampon dispenser

Comments

  1. Janine Huldie says

    September 22, 2014 at 6:46 am

    Oh man, I will say you just made me a bit more happy I have girls, but then again it is always on me to take them to the bathroom when we go out to restaurants and such, so now I am just waiting for them to notice something like this and ask!

    Reply
  2. Bev says

    September 22, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Bwahaha, hilarious! I would’ve had a hard time keeping it together in front of Biz.

    Reply
  3. Chris Carter says

    September 22, 2014 at 9:15 am

    BWAHAHAHA!!!!! i can picture this scene SO well!!! And Biz NOT letting it go… and you trying SO hard to end the discussion!! And the ladies snickering, then down right laughing as Biz continued to push the interrogation!!
    CLASSIC MOM MOMENT!!

    Reply
  4. Alexa says

    September 22, 2014 at 11:05 am

    Oh my. Five year old boys. They continue to crack me up. You never know what is going to happen in the bathroom.

    Reply
  5. thedoseofreality says

    September 22, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Cracking up!! Can’t believe you didn’t get him a “prize”! ;)-Ashley

    Reply
  6. Katie @ Pick Any Two says

    September 22, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    HAHAHA!!! The best part is that he just kept begging for the “prize.”

    Reply
  7. Tamara says

    September 22, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    HAHA! I love Biz. He’s the best.
    Why didn’t you give him a prize just to see what he’d do with it? Just kidding!
    I can see my kids thinking they were rocket launchers.

    Reply
  8. Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life says

    September 24, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    This is one of the best things I have read all day! Hilarious!

    Reply

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