Bathroom Humor

When Biz and I realized we would have some rare alone time together while his brother attended a birthday celebration this weekend, he suggested we go to the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens. He didn’t have to twist my arm for that trip since we have a membership, and the fall flowers are gorgeous.
It’s one of our favorite places to visit and, really, how could you not want to go out and show off a fall outfit like this?

We went straight for the children’s garden so Biz could throw some lobster traps into the water and walk across the rope bridge on the tree house. We then walked to the various bodies of water in the sprawling gardens to search for frogs. We found many, many frogs.
When it was time to leave, I took Biz into the ladies’ room with me because he’s 5, and I’m just not comfortable leaving him out in a lobby alone just yet. No one was in the bathroom when we first walked in, but three women came in soon after us. The following is what happened during this innocent trip to the women’s restroom.
Biz (busting through each bathroom stall, loudly): Where are the stand up toilets, Mom?!
Me (thankful no one was actually in the stalls at that time): There aren’t any urinals in the ladies’ room, Honey.
Biz (utterly disappointed and attempting to choose a toilet to use): FINE.
Me (waiting patiently until his chooses a stall, as there are now other women in the ladies’s room): I’m 2 stalls down from you, if you need me.
*A few minutes pass and I’m now washing my hands at the sink. I hear the sound of clanking metal behind me.*
Biz: Mommy, do you have change?
Me (turning my head to see that he’s now at the tampon dispenser): No, I don’t have change. Definitely don’t have change.
Biz: Please, Mommy? Are you sure? I want a prize.
Me: I don’t have any change, and those aren’t prizes.
Biz: Yes they are. You put the change here and turn it….What are they then?
Woman in the bathroom (turning the corner to see Biz and laughing): Yeah, Mom. What are those?
Me (attempting to answer with a straight face): It’s not a prize machine, Biz. Those are for ladies.
Biz (still messing with the coin dispenser): Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? What’s in this thing?
Me: Things that ladies use and boys do not.
At this point, three women are practically in tears laughing, and Biz continues to ask why he can’t have what’s in the dispenser. I lure him over to the sink to wash his hands. He tells me that he doesn’t need to because he never took his gloves off.
Next time, I’m just going to hold it.
p.s. If you like stories like this, you’ll love The Mother of All Meltdowns