Bathroom Humor

When Biz and I realized we would have some rare alone time together while his brother attended a birthday celebration this weekend, he suggested we go to the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens. He didn’t have to twist my arm for that trip since we have a membership, and the fall flowers are gorgeous.

It’s one of our favorite places to visit and, really, how could you not want to go out and show off a fall outfit like this?

bizpumpkins

How Maine kids dress in the chilly fall weather.

We went straight for the children’s garden so Biz could throw some lobster traps into the water and walk across the rope bridge on the tree house. We then walked to the various bodies of water in the sprawling gardens to search for frogs. We found many, many frogs.

When it was time to leave, I took Biz into the ladies’ room with me because he’s 5, and I’m just not comfortable leaving him out in a lobby alone just yet. No one was in the bathroom when we first walked in, but three women came in soon after us. The following is what happened during this innocent trip to the women’s restroom.

Biz (busting through each bathroom stall, loudly): Where are the stand up toilets, Mom?!

Me (thankful no one was actually in the stalls at that time): There aren’t any urinals in the ladies’ room, Honey.

Biz (utterly disappointed and attempting to choose a toilet to use): FINE.

Me (waiting patiently until his chooses a stall, as there are now other women in the ladies’s room): I’m 2 stalls down from you, if you need me.

*A few minutes pass and I’m now washing my hands at the sink. I hear the sound of clanking metal behind me.*

Biz: Mommy, do you have change?

Me (turning my head to see that he’s now at the tampon dispenser): No, I don’t have change. Definitely don’t have change.

Biz: Please, Mommy? Are you sure? I want a prize.

Me: I don’t have any change, and those aren’t prizes.

Biz: Yes they are. You put the change here and turn it….What are they then?

Woman in the bathroom (turning the corner to see Biz and laughing): Yeah, Mom. What are those?

Me (attempting to answer with a straight face): It’s not a prize machine, Biz. Those are for ladies.

Biz (still messing with the coin dispenser): Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? What’s in this thing?

Me: Things that ladies use and boys do not.

At this point, three women are practically in tears laughing, and Biz continues to ask why he can’t have what’s in the dispenser. I lure him over to the sink to wash his hands. He tells me that he doesn’t need to because he never took his gloves off.

Next time, I’m just going to hold it.

p.s. If you like stories like this, you’ll love The Mother of All Meltdowns

A Kid Quote Involving “The Other Guy”

kid quotes bubbleIn honor of Biz’s 4th birthday tomorrow, I thought I would share a recent quote from the boy himself.

Biz is always good for a funny kid quote. Heck, he’s always talking.

What makes Biz particularly funny, though, is his facial expressions and hand gestures.

I guess he gets the hand gestures from my side of the family, being Italian and all.

Unfortunately, I can never get him on camera at the right times to capture the really good stuff. (He’d be a great vlogger.)

He’s pretty much comedy gold all the time. Or so he thinks in his head. Today, he repeated every word I said as I was having a phone conversation with my husband. Every. Single Word. He even mimicked my laughing when I couldn’t take his relentless mocking while trying to figure out who would be picking up G from soccer.

Most of his quotes go on forever, so I’ll just leave you with this one gem he recently gave us. Keep in mind, religion isn’t a big topic in our household. To steal a quote from Jenn at …so this is love.., we are “religiously awkward.”

At the dinner table

Biz: You know, God made us.

G, Dad, Me (nodding and wondering where he’s going with this one): Oh, really?

Biz: No. Hold on. It was the other guy. Wait. What’s the other guy’s name again?

G (half laughing): Do you mean Jesus?

Biz: Yeah. That’s it. Jesus. It’s Jesus that made us.

I still have no idea where it came from, but I will forever think of Jesus as “the other guy.”

Do you have any funny kid quotes to share?

Kid Quotes: Popular in the 1900s

kid quotes bubble

Being a mom to two boys is always entertaining. I like to share some of my favorite quotes from my boys here so I can keep track of them and because they’re just plain funny. Here are a few recent ones that had me giggling.

From Biz, age 3. At the dinner table after my husband mentioned something that happened when G was in utero and then had to explain that “in utero” meant when he was in my tummy.

Biz: It was dark when I was in your tummy, Mommy.

Me: Oh yeah? You remember when you were in my tummy?

Biz: Yes. I remember the food bonking me in the head when I was in your tummy and you were eating.

(We might need to explain that they weren’t in my actual stomach at some point.)

From G, age 7. A conversation in the car after school. His class has been singing “Here Comes the Sun.”

G: Someone in my class brought in a picture of two of the guys who sing “Here Comes the Sun.”

Me: Cool. Which Beatles were in the picture? John Lennon and Paul McCartney?

G: I think so. I didn’t know you knew about the Beatles. Did you know one was shot?

Me: Yes.

G: Well, they were popular in the 1900s.

What funny things have your kids (or kids close to you) said lately?

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